We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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