weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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