Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize