his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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