I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize