What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
