I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
