office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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