if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
