That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
