just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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