PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
