It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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