Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
