Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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