would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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