I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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