Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
