Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
