My friends, they love my intelligence
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
