dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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