where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
