mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im having a threesome with these popsicles
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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