Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
