So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
