so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
