This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
