I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
