i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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