She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
