yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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