There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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