You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
