I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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