Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
