Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
