Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
