"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
