I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
