Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
