Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
