i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
