I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
