can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
