Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
