I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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