my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was like eating out sand paper
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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