Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
