someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
