fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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