I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
