I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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