normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
