dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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