Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
