also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
