I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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