They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize