I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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