You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
