i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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