Are we in a gay sports bar?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
