therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize