Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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