I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
