I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
