dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
