community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do herpes really smell.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize