Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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