I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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