I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
