it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
