I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
